Do you keep having the same conversation over and over? You and your partner just can’t seem to get anywhere. Maybe you just don’t understand each other or maybe you do understand each other but just can’t agree. In our experience with many couples, breaking these big topics down into several different conversations can help couples get unstuck on gridlocked issues.

1. Exploring sides. Take time to understand each other’s position on whatever topic or decision has you stuck. Seek first to understand. If you remove the pressure of needing to make a decision right now, you open up space to be able to hear and understand each other. Listen for the deeper meaning behind why your partner feels the way they do and why this is important to them.

2. Brainstorm solutions. In a different conversation separated by a few minutes to a few days from the first, talk about all the possible ways you two could work around this difference or solve this problem. No option is too ridiculous at this point. Write them down. You are not allowed to rule anything out.

3. Evaluate the possibilities. Take a break from the brainstorm and make it clear you’re now moving to evaluating the options. You can eliminate some options and start to favor others. Look at the pros and cons of each option. Consider what you’d each have to do to make this option work. Don’t have an ego about which ideas were yours. Be willing to compromise. If you are focused on winning, you’re missing the point. When you win and get your way, your relationship loses; and that hurts you too. 

4. Decide. When the two of you have narrowed down to 1-3 reasonable options, you’ve got to decide which you’ll do. Think through what each of you will need to do and need from your partner in order to make the solution you’ve chosen work. Remember that the person you’re making this agreement with is your love and be generous and fair.

Now, thank each other for going through this process together. Implement your solutions. Reevaluate when needed. If what you thought would work doesn’t, keep trying. Go through these steps again or reach out for help from a trained relationship therapist. 

Have you and your partner been able to work through a stuck place? Were you able to find a compromise on something seemingly insurmountable? Share this post and tag Inland Empire Couples Counseling on Facebook or @RebeccaRelationshipExpert on Instagram to tell us about it. We will celebrate your success with you!