Hey there, fellow traveler of the heart. It’s not easy, is it? The expectations we carry about relationships being a walk in the park, and then reality hits. If you're feeling like the weight of the world is heavier in your relationships, know that you're not alone. It's okay to admit that it's hard—harder than the fairy tales led us to believe. Relationships are messy, and sometimes, the mess comes from a place we might not even recognize. This is for those who find themselves constantly on guard, struggling to express love in the midst of a survival mode they didn't sign up for.

I get it, and I see you.

Let's dive into the shadows together, peel back the layers, and explore how couples therapy might just be the lantern you need in this uncharted territory.

The past few weeks we’ve covered different types of trauma and how they show up in relationships, like Complex Trauma, Acute Trauma, and Relational Trauma.

We know first-hand how difficult it can be to heal from trauma whether you’re in a relationship or not. If you need help from an expert, contact us today by clicking the button below.

We can help you with in-person marriage counseling in Temecula, CA and individual therapy in Riverside, CA. We also offer virtual counseling to any resident in California.

The Impact of Trauma: Marriage Counseling in Temecula, Ca

It is normal for most of us to expect that good relationships should be "easy" or at least not soak up so much of our time and energy that we cannot function daily, And while this may be a reasonable expectation for those that see the world and other people as generally safe and trustworthy, this isn't always the case with those of us that see our environment as generally unsafe and dangerous.

Figuring Out Love in the Shadows of Trauma with Couples Therapy in Temecula, Ca

This might be the hardest thing for those of us that have not experienced trauma, in any of its forms, to wrap our brains (and hearts) around when it comes to relating to a partner or family member. Even harder still, is the confusion, guilt, shame and self doubt that comes from trying to express to, or ask for love from someone while feeling like you're in a constant state of survival.

The never ending vigilance for something that could jump out at you at any moment, the threat of familiar pain and the energy it saps from you taking that protective posture from someone...you're supposed to love??? We tend to ignore the impacts of trauma, hope that it's not us, blame our partners for our own suffering, and end up resenting and leaving our partners, continue this cycle with the next try, and dig a hole that confirms all of our fears that the world is unsafe and feel helpless to change any of it.

The Invisible Roadblock of Unidentified Trauma in Relationships: Marriage Counseling in Temecula Ca

I see you. Trauma that has not been identified, processed, understood or even acknowledged can create a roadblock in relationships that so many people cannot see. The tough part is, we don't know what we don't know and if we don't know most of our issues relating to others comes from trauma, we could feel helpless in finding the comfort, joy and connection that so many take for granted.

So how does couples therapy help with this? There is a unique power in couples therapy that allows us (client and therapist) to draw out, identify and make maps of the system wide impacts of trauma because we can see, in real time, how the system is functioning (or not) and clarify the results as it relates to what we know about the impacts of trauma on the psychology of emotionality and behavior.

The Power of Shared Experiences with Couples Therapy in California

This is tough to do with only one person in the room. It's like drawing a line with only one dot on the paper, it's chaos until you have the second dot to draw the line between. The uniqueness comes into play when we consider that your partner is there with you, witnessing, understanding and supporting in a way they would never be able to comprehend without being in the room. No explanation required, only firsthand experience. Shared experiences bond us, I don't think therapy is any different. 

So, bottom line? Couples therapy can be like this magic portal where we unravel all the messy stuff trauma brings into relationships. It's not just talking; it's this shared journey that words can't quite capture. Imagine a space where healing isn't just a solo gig—it's a team effort. Tackling trauma together becomes this escape route from the usual blame game and the resentment loop. Instead, it's paving the way for this rock-solid connection, deep down, built on empathy and a whole lot of understanding.

At Inland Empire Couples Counseling we offer the best marriage counseling we can! Our couples therapists are trained in helping couples heal from infidelity, substance use in relationships, childhood trauma, communication skills, as well as providing the LGBTQIA+ community with pride counseling. We have online couples counseling in California. We have couples therapy in Riverside, CA. We also have marriage counseling in Murrieta CA or the Temecula Valley. Please reach out for help by clicking the button above to schedule a free 15 minute consultation with our Intake Coordinator.

Have questions about couples counseling? Visit our FAQs page to find out more.