Do you ever look at other couples that are getting divorced and wonder, “How can I keep us from going down that path?” Or maybe you see a couple that have been committed to each other for 50+ years and ask yourself, “What is their secret to a life of love and commitment?” In this blog, we will review 5 Habits of couples that last.

If you and your partner are struggling to develop these habits and need help getting back on the same page, contact us! We offer in-person couples counseling in Riverside, CA and in-person marriage therapy in Murrieta, CA as well as online couples counseling and online solo counseling in California.

1. They Embrace Change

As you’ve probably figured out by now, the person you are with today may not look, think or act the same way they did when you were first dating. This is natural. Over time, people change. The hard thing is that this might be difficult for you as you may miss the person that they once were. The key to maintaining a positive relationship with your partner is to embrace change as it comes. To embrace the change, you will need to make it a habit of getting to know your partner and learn about what has brought them to this new place of being.

2. They are Considerate of the Other Person

Couples that last have a habit of being considerate of the other person and expressing your love towards them. This does not have to be done in a big ordeal but can be done in the small gestures like putting their favorite snack in their lunch, writing a small note of appreciation, or offering to help with chores around the house. When being considerate of the other person, it is important to be spontaneous and to express your love with no expectations that they reciprocate or give something in return.

3. They Balance Time Together and Time Apart

Lifelong couples maintain a balance between spending time together (“we” time)  and spending time apart (“me” time). It is important that couples keep a sense of togetherness and also a sense of individuality. This can be hard especially when life, stress, children or other obligations may crowd your time but couples that make efforts to spend time with each other and also allow for space will feel most satisfied in their relationship.

4. They Take Responsibility

Against popular belief, even the healthiest of relationships have conflict.

The key to maintaining a healthy relationship when there is conflict is to take responsibility for our mistakes or wrongdoings, whether they be intentional or unintentional. One part of taking responsibility is acknowledging the hurt we’ve caused, even if we did not intend to harm our partner. Another part of taking responsibility is admitting to our contributions to the problem instead of blaming the other person or defending our reasons for the actions.  For example, as a response to yelling at your partner you can say something like this: "I see that you are upset at me for raising my voice at you. You are right. You didn't deserve that. I apologize that the way I expressed my anger hurt you."

Read our blog Using I Statements: Communication Skills for Relationships.

5. They Have Fun

It is common for people to feel like relationships require a lot of work, which may be true, but not everything in a relationship needs to be so hard or serious. Couples that have fun, laugh and play together can enjoy each other’s company and look forward to time together. In addition, making time for fun can actually make dealing with conflict easier. They aren't separate things. If you have something hard to work out with your partner, it is so much easier when you can remember that you are also friends. 

If you need help strengthening your relationship so that it will last, please call us today. Some people come to couples therapy when there are big problems in their relationships, and that’s good. And we also LOVE working with couples who have a good relationship they want to make great. We can help with that too!

If you are interested in learning more about the services we offer, visit our FAQs page to find out more or schedule a free consultation at the button below!

We offer online couples counseling in California and in-person marriage counseling services in Riverside, CA and in-person marriage therapy in Murrieta, CA!! It’s so important for you to find the right marriage counselor for you. Learn more about what’s unique about our couples therapists here.

Therapist Spotlight:

Jackie Flietstra AMFT

Jackie specializes in working with couples that have been affected by infertility and grief, couples struggling to connect, and anyone experiencing a transition in their faith. She understand how difficult it can be to remain connected to your spouse when life throws you a curve ball.

Jackie offers in-person couples counseling and marriage therapy in Murrieta, CA and online couples counseling in California.

If you’d like to book a session with Jackie you can click the button below or contact us here!