If you are reading this blog, chances are you have found yourself in a position you hoped you’d never be in - betrayed by the person whom you love feeling shocked, beyond hurt, broken hearted, insecure, angry and so much more. If I’m honest, trying to figure out how to move past this type of problem or pain can be really difficult. Part of why it is so hard to recover from infidelity is because we don’t see many couples openly talk about their history with betrayal or infidelity and how they found healing.

We usually only hear the stories of where relationships broke up or ended in divorce. 

If you cheated on your partner read I Cheated and I Want to Save My Marriage. What Do I Do?

And to be clear, it is TOTALLY NORMAL if the infidelity crossed boundaries that for you cannot be crossed and thus results in deciding to end the relationship. For many people, this boundary is firm and a deal breaker if crossed. If you need help working through a break-up or divorce in a kind and respectful way (especially when you have kids together where you want this decision to hurt them as little as possible) please reach out to one of our therapist’s where we can help you on the journey of separation, divorce, and/or coparenting.

With that being said, the purpose of this blog series is to help people who are thinking about what it might take to recover from infidelity or who want to find healing in their relationship with the end result of staying together. 

Also check out Does Couples Counseling Work for Cheating? (Hint: It does!)

How Couples Therapy in Murrieta, CA Can Help Your Relationship

Before we get into details of what the recovery process from infidelity looks like, I first want to say that it is totally normal for you to still want to stay in this relationship and love your partner. Here is the reason why:

Your love for this person grew over time and did not happen from one single moment.

For that very same reason, your love for your partner also does not just go away in one moment and finding out about a betrayal does not make that love vanish right away. You can (and most likely will) still love your partner despite the pain they have caused you. 

The second thing I want to say is that recovery from infidelity not only takes time but also requires hard work

from BOTH partners.

Many people think that the work in this recovery process is solely the person who had the affair to earn back trust - but the reality is that the betrayed partner has to work equally as hard (though in different ways) at managing their feelings that came from the betrayal or affair, forgiving their partner, and allowing their partner to earn back trust. 

If you are interested in knowing more details about recovering from infidelity through couples therapy in Murrieta, CA, this month I will be discussing the recovery process as being in four phases. The four phrases are broken down as the following

• Phase 1. Crisis Stabilization

  Understanding/managing the initial shock and other feelings that came from the betrayal

• Phase  2. Disclosure of Details

  Gathering the details of the affair that we may need and sharing the pain it has caused us with our partner

• Phase 3. Forgiveness & Building back trust 

• Phase 4. Building a New Relationship 

Next week we dive right into Phase 1- so stay tuned!

At Inland Empire Couples Counseling we offer the best marriage counseling we can! Our couples therapists are trained in helping couples heal from infidelity, substance use in relationships, childhood trauma, communication skills, as well as providing the LGBTQIA+ community with pride counseling. We have online couples counseling in California. We have couples therapy in Riverside, CA. We also have marriage counseling in Murrieta CA or the Temecula Valley. Please reach out for help by clicking the button below to schedule a free 15 minute consultation with our Intake Coordinator.

Have questions about couples counseling? Visit our FAQs page to find out more.