Imagine this, It’s Christmas time.

You’re planning out what you’re getting your kids for Christmas as well as your partner, your entire family, your partner’s entire family, your kids’ teacher’s, your co-workers, etc. Meanwhile, you’re also trying to plan Christmas dinner and how you’re going to split the day between families so it’s fair for everyone. Not to mention that you still have to do all the things that you do in a normal week without the added stress of the holidays. Then you try to ask your partner to take something off your plate and they groan “You know I’m not good at this stuff! Can’t you just take care of this like you usually do?” Cue internal screaming.

This is called the mental load.

The mental load is a term that is often used to describe the invisible burden that many people, particularly women, carry with them on a daily basis. This mental load includes things like remembering to buy groceries, pay bills, make appointments, and take care of the household chores. During the holiday season, the mental load can become too much to bear with the additional tasks.

One of the biggest challenges of carrying the mental load during the holidays is simply remembering all of the things that need to be done. With so many events and activities, it can be easy to overlook something important, or to forget to do something that needs to be done. This can lead to feeling overwhelmed and can cause fights that could have been avoided with some communication.

One way to alleviate the mental load during the holiday season is to delegate tasks and responsibilities. This can help to spread the workload and make it more manageable. It can also be helpful to make lists and organize tasks, so that everything is clear and easy to keep track of.

A must for reducing the mental load during the holidays is to practice self-care as much as you can. This could include taking time for yourself (this doesn’t mean you run errands by yourself), getting enough sleep, and doing activities that you find joy in and will help reduce your stress! Taking care of your own mental and physical health can help you feel more in control and can make it easier to manage the demands of the holiday season.

But most importantly,

1. Determine what YOU actually want for the holidays. Not what others expect from you or what they want, what do you want? What does this holiday mean to you and how would you like celebrate?

2. Which of those parts do you WANT to do? Do them with joy!

3. Communicate with your friends and family. I think how you do this matters a lot. If we say something like "I'd like help this year", we're communicating that it's still our responsibility and we'd like HELP with our responsibilities. Instead, tell people what your vision of the holidays is and what you will be doing to make that happen. Invite them to share what their vision of the holidays is and to share their contributions as well. This doesn't have to be adversarial. Maybe there's something I can do to make your vision happen and something you can do to make my vision happen. And then we're all happy.

But if no one else wants to participate in the hard work of planning, decision making, cooking, cleaning etc, then they can deal with a holiday that's less than what they want. The boundary is telling others what you will and will not do and leaving them the responsibility to act however they will. 

In the end, carrying the mental load during the holiday season can be challenging, but it is important to remember that you are not alone. Many people struggle with the added demands and responsibilities of the season, and it is okay to ask for help and support when you need it. By taking care of yourself and delegating tasks when necessary, you can help to reduce the mental load and enjoy the holiday season to the fullest.

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