“My partner is really struggling with their mental health. I want to help them but I feel so overwhelmed. What can I do?”

If you are asking this question, I already have some positive feedback for you. You have successfully completed the first big step to helping your partner, mainly by identifying that it is your partner’s mental health that is wavering, and not that YOU yourself are to blame for their circumstances. This can be a very sticky web to navigate.

Much of the time, if our relationships are suffering, we tend to look at ourselves or our partners as “something we/you/I need to “fix”. To be able to recognize that your partner’s struggles are their own and that you are not responsible for solving them is step one, step two is finding your own acceptable boundaries around supporting your partner in their healing/management journey. Ask yourself, “where do I end and my partner begin?” so that you do not feel as though we are overburdened by the need for a solution. Your mental health matters, too.

Setting Boundaries with Couples Therapy in Riverside

I have clients say to me all the time, “what did I do and how do I fix it for them?” and “I thought I was doing everything right, but I guess not”. These types of phrases show me that they have not yet been able to distance themselves from their partner’s issue enough to see them for what they are. The issues do not necessarily mean there is something wrong with the relationship, so often, one or more partners are having individual struggles that have a downstream effect on the system that makes up the relationship. That's where we notice the impacts the most because it's amplified by all kinds of cognitive distortions and communication errors that can fail to incorporate the partner’s intent, which is usually to keep themselves safe from more relational harm and save their partners from that same pain.

Supporting Your Partner: Marriage Counseling in Temecula

Of course you are overwhelmed by the need to help your partner, that’s what we do, right? We show up, we help, we’re “there for each other” and it just seems to be of no use. Helping a partner with depression or anxiety has to start with the most regulated and stable version of you. A partner that is depressed often feels helpless to change a past something, and an anxious one feels afraid that they can’t prevent a future one. If we stay grounded, at the very least we don’t compound the issue by showing up as confirmation that their struggle affects us negatively as well and at the very best, we can help them assess, support, find resources. Hey, and that's a lot of what we do. The most helpful thing you can do for your partner is to help them feel as safe as possible to speak to you about it and to support their journey in healing alongside by asking others for help when you feel overwhelmed too.

Seeking Professional Help: Couples Counseling in California

If you feel like your mental health is “ruining your relationship”, you don’t know how to help a depressed spouse, or your anxiety is making it hard for you to enjoy your life with your partner, there is no better time than now to work with a professional that will help you identify and take some of that weight off of your shoulders. I cannot stress this enough, but the time to get help with things as important as mental health and health in general is sooner rather than later.

Quality marriage counseling in Riverside CA, Temecula CA, and online couples counseling in California

At Inland Empire Couples Counseling we offer the best marriage counseling we can! Our couples therapists are trained in helping couples heal from infidelity, substance use in relationships, childhood trauma, communication skills, as well as providing the LGBTQIA+ community with pride counseling. We have online couples counseling in California. We have couples therapy in Riverside, CA. We also have marriage counseling in Murrieta CA or the Temecula Valley. Please reach out for help by clicking the button below to schedule a free 15 minute consultation with our Intake Coordinator.

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