Since the #metoo movement there has been a lot more talk and conversation surrounding the sexual abuse, assault, rape, unwanted touches, advances, etc. The conversation is extremely important to keep having because so many people have been effected by sexual abuse and some might not realize that they’re a victim of this abuse.

However, the conversation regarding sexual abuse in a marriage or committed relationship is often not at the forefront of the discussions.

The reason being that we are socialized to believe that sexual assault, abuse, and rape are involving non-consensual sex between two strangers. Here in lies the misconception that if we are in a committed relationship with someone that sexual abuse does not happen or that our bodies are not as independent as they are when we are single.

No should mean no, period.

No needs to mean no in and out of relationships and within the confines of a committed relationship. Domestic abuse/Intimate Partner Violence and sexual abuse can go hand in hand.

Sexual abuse in a relationship involves forcing a partner to take part in a sex act when the partner does not consent. 

If you think you’ve been subjected to sexual abuse either by your partner or someone else please contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 and contact us today for additional help. Please know that we are here for you and therapy can help!

We offer in-person couples counseling in Murrieta, CA, in-person marriage counseling in Riverside, CA, and online couples therapy to residents of California.

Sexual abuse includes but is not limited to the following:  

• Accusing you of cheating or is often jealous of outside relationships when there is no factual cheating but is a means to make a partner feel that they are doing something wrong or against the relationship.

• Controlling the way one partner dresses oftentimes to sexualize the partner.

• Insults partner in a sexual way or calling someone sexual names to hurt or demean the other.

• Forces or manipulates a partner into having ex or performing sexual acts.

• Holding down someone during sex or to have sex with.

• Demanding sex or guilting a partner when one is sick, tired, or after being hurt (physically or emotionally).

• Hurting a partner with a weapon or object during sex.

• Involving other people in sexual activities when that is not agreed upon or the other person opposes but is still forced to participate.

• Ignoring the partners feelings regarding sex and times of saying no or not right now.

• Coerced or forcing oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse.

• Forcing a partner into watching or making pornography.

• Using technology to victimize partner or uploading sexual images or videos online or to others without approval.

• Using sex as a means to show faithfulness to relationship.

• Withholding sex or intimacy and affection to manipulate partner into doing things they do not want to do.

• Poking holes in contraceptives, or not taking birth control in order to impregnant or spread sexually transmitted diseases.

• Shaming someone's sexuality or preference.

• Threatening to “out” a partner who may not have let others know their sexual orientation. 

Sexual abuse in a relationship does not always have to be physical but also may often have emotional and cultural implications that are used to maintain the power and control over another. We often overlook this part of abuse because there is the larger assumption that sex is something a partner is entitled to and not recognized in its larger complex towards power and control.

Please read our other blogs if you think you’re experiencing verbal, emotional, or physical abuse in your relationship.

• Recognizing different types of abuse in relationships

• How to identify the signs of physical abuse in your marriage

• Signs of emotional or mental abuse in relationships

It can be hard to recognize the signs of abuse and then take steps to actively stop it especially when it’s with someone you love. You are not alone and we are here for you! We help couples every day deal with situations just like yours. Contact us today or click the button below to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation with our Intake Coordinator.

Have questions about couples counseling? Visit our FAQs page to find out more. We offer online couples counseling in California and in-person marriage counseling services in Riverside, CA and in-person marriage therapy in Murrieta, CA!! It’s so important for you to find the right marriage counselor for you. Learn more about what’s unique about our couples therapists here.

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Here are some of our favorite posts:

• How to bring up complaints to your partner (one of the MOST important relationship skills)

• What does quality mental health care look like (just like doctors, not all therapists are great. Here’s how to know you have a good one for you.)

• How to preserve your relationship in an argument by calling a time-out (Just like in a sporting event, sometimes we need to call a TO, step off the field, and catch our breath so we can come back to our partners and work as a team again.)

Or check out our amazing services:

• Couples Retreats

• Online Couples Counseling

• Individual Counseling for Relationship Issues