Understanding Financial Abuse in Relationships: How Therapy Can Bring Healing
Money is a necessity for functioning within society as well as our way of making sure that we are providing and or being able to have a roof over our heads as well as get our basic needs met. However, money and finances can be one of the biggest disagreements and hurdles that a couple may face at one point in time in their relationship.
So when does an argument over finances or who is going to pay what bill become financial abuse?
The definition of financial abuse is when it is used as a tactic by one partner over the other in order to gain power and control in the relationship.
When finances are used as a way to manipulate, intimidate, threaten and entrap someone within a relationship is when it becomes toxic and abusive. Money and finances are often one of the top reasons we hear couples, victims, and survivors state that they stayed in an abusive relationship or returned to the relationship.
Financial abuse is a very powerful tool used to keep someone feeling trapped in an abusive/toxic relationship because one does not feel “safe” or able to leave if they do not have money to do so.
If you think that your relationship suffers from financial abuse, contact us today! We offer in-person couples counseling in Murrieta, CA, in-person marriage counseling in Riverside, CA, and online couples therapy to residents of California.
Types of financial abuse look and feel like the following:
Threatening to take away all sources of income if the partner leaves or takes the children.
Threatening to cut one off financially when there is a disagreement with what one persons feels is correct/their way.
Making sure that one person is the “breadwinner” and because of that has the ability to make the rules within the home or what the money will or will not be used for.
Forbidding or not “allowing” the partner to work for their own income.
Sabotaging work or employment opportunities. Such as: purposely starting an argument before going for an interview, stalking if they get a job, making sure they lose something important for their meetings, telling one partner where they can or cannot work, harassing while at work with calling texting or stopping by, gaslighting someone by hiding the keys or unhooking the car battery or not able to watch the kids.
Not including partner access to bank accounts, investments, purchases, etc.
Withholding money or giving an unreasonable “allowance.”
Making one partner ask permission before spending money or get enraged when talking about money or being asked to use money for needs.
Forcing partners to run up large amounts of debt on personal or joint accounts.
Refusing to work or contributing to paying bills or income.
Hiding money
Stealing one's identity, credit, property, inheritance, etc.
Filing false claims with partners name.
Refusing to pay or evading child support
Manipulating divorce or court proceedings by drawing them out or not disclosing all assets in order to keep money hidden or drain the other persons finances.
Giving someone a “hard time” or not “allowing” someone to attend training, education, or advancement opportunities.
Although financial abuse is seen in nearly every case of domestic violence/intimate partner violence there are times where a couple may be unintentionally doing so without realizing it.
This happens when a couple does not talk often about money because there is already a given routine or maybe talking about finances is uncomfortable or brings a heated discussion.
We often see where one person may handle and control the finances because that has been the routine and yet the other partner may feel left out or not sure how much money they have or about any decisions with finances and they are left in the dark. That is different from someone intentionally withholding finances when asked or for everyday needs with the end goal of doing so in order to maintain power or control over another in a relationship.
Please read our other blogs if you think you’re experiencing verbal, emotional, sexual, technological or physical abuse in your relationship.
It can be hard to recognize the signs of abuse and then take steps to actively stop it especially when it’s with someone you love. You are not alone and we are here for you! We help couples every day deal with situations just like yours. Contact us today or click the button below to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation with our Intake Coordinator.
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We offer online couples counseling in California and in-person marriage counseling services in Riverside, CA and in-person marriage therapy in Temecula, CA!! It’s so important for you to find the right marriage counselor for you. Learn more about what’s unique about our couples therapists here.