Welcome to my last blog in this series I’ve written about communication! In this series I’ve focused on healthy ways of communicating our concerns to our partner (sharing and receiving), how to take a healthy time-out when our conflict isn’t going so well, and how to make a repair when our conversations may hurt one another - check those out if you missed any! In this final blog, I have saved what I consider “the best for last” in communication and will be discussing the importance of giving your partner a “Re-Do”.

So you might be wondering, what is a “re-Do”? Couples Counseling in Riverside and Murrieta

In my mind, a “re-Do” is opportunity to try something again. In my experience as a couples therapist, one of the main ways I see my couples find healing in their relationship is through re-Do’s. Let me explain more…

First, I want to state what may feel obvious to you…we are human! As you probably have seen with yourself and others, humans are complex and beautiful but not without imperfections. Our emotions get the best of us sometimes, our behavior doesn’t always match our beliefs, and our best isn’t always “the best”. No human can escape this reality or ever reach perfection. With that being said, if you can never reach perfection, then neither will your partner!

No One Is Perfect — Marriage Counseling in Temecula, Ca

The second thing I will say is this, if no human can reach perfection then we will need to get comfortable with the idea that mistakes will happen and sometimes we will struggle to communicate well. You know the saying “practice makes perfect”? Well I don’t really agree with the “perfect” part of that saying - but I can say that practice can turn skills into habits. And with communication, re-Dos allow us opportunities to practice the skills of managing and expressing our feelings so that healthy communication becomes a habit.

Re-Do’s Are Necessary with Couples Therapy in California

The last thing I want to say about re-Do’s is that when partners have a mutual understanding or agreement that re-Do’s are necessary, it takes the pressure off of the conflict to run perfectly every time. In my professional experience, I often see my couples struggle with the nervousness to talk about the conflict more than the conflict itself. Talking with your partner should not feel like public speaking, where every sentence is crafted eloquently and presented with a perfect tone of voice and confidence. To help ease that anxiety, do yourself and your partner a favor - let re-Do’s be a normal part of your relationship!

*Note: The concept of a “re-Do” is not a free pass to be reckless with your words and behavior in conflict or violate your partner’s boundaries. If we want a chance at getting a re-Do with our partner, we need to be safe people.

If you and your partner struggle with giving each other re-Do’s please reach out to us, we’d love to help your relationship be able to embrace each other's humanness while maintaining love and respect for each other.

Quality marriage counseling in Riverside CA, Temecula CA, and online couples counseling in California

At Inland Empire Couples Counseling we offer the best marriage counseling we can! Our couples therapists are trained in helping couples heal from infidelity, substance use in relationships, childhood trauma, communication skills, as well as providing the LGBTQIA+ community with pride counseling. We have online couples counseling in California. We have couples therapy in Riverside, CA. We also have marriage counseling in Murrieta CA or the Temecula Valley. Please reach out for help by clicking the button below to schedule a free 15 minute consultation with our Intake Coordinator.

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