How to Talk to Your Partner About Intimacy and What Couples Therapy in Riverside, CA Can Do For Your Relationship!
Let's be honest. Talking about intimacy can be awkward and uncomfortable. We get it, and we know that you're not alone. Many couples struggle to express their intimacy needs and desires, which can cause tension and dissatisfaction in the relationship. That's why we're here to offer some practical tips to help you navigate this tricky topic with your partner.
In this interview, therapist Erik “Mike” Sebourn provides strategies for communicating with your partner about intimacy in a way that fosters understanding, openness, and vulnerability. We'll also talk about how couples therapy can provide a safe space to explore and improve your intimacy.
Whether you're located in Riverside or Murrieta, or looking for online couples counseling in California, taking the first step to seek professional support can make all the difference in enhancing your relationship. So, buckle up, grab your partner, and get ready to open up about intimacy like never before!
How do you encourage couples during couples therapy in Riverside to open up about their thoughts and feelings regarding intimacy, even if they may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed about the topic?
The great part about the process of couples work is that the early parts of working with a trained, skilled therapist create conditions that allow the clients to explore thought and feelings about tough issues.
Uncomfortable topics and potentially embarrassing admissions are what stand in the way of emotional intimacy and usually constitute the initial barriers that clients face when they start their journey.
Many clients are yearning for that safe, mediated conversation in which to divulge these things so that they can feel seen and heard when they share, which is really at the core of establishing that secure bond.
How can couples learn to communicate their needs and desires when it comes to intimacy, and what strategies do you suggest for making these conversations productive and positive?
Very often, couples struggle to communicate their needs and desires in a way that serves them. (See Communicating Wants & Needs: Communication Skills for Relationships) There are infinitely many ways in which we can sabotage our own attempts to ask for what we want, and what we don't want. It would be difficult to describe the steps to take for each individual situation, however, there are some general things to think about when crafting a message to your partner that is important to you.
A great place to start is the invite.
This gets missed and usually takes a partner by surprise when a client feels afraid to enter into potential negative conflict and bluntly asserts themselves without inviting their partner into a conversation that they may not be ready to have. It may "need to be said", but if your partner cannot hear because they are preoccupied or already elevated, your chances of being heard are slim. This often enters couples into a "fight" or "problem cycle" that can affirm the already existing feeling that safety to share is not established.
From there, the couple needs to be able to have empathy for their partner and be curious and encouraging in their ability to listen and understand.
To do this well, the process needs to go very slow and patience is key. Remember, you are not adversaries, you are teammates, the more you approach establishing conditions for intimacy to thrive with this in mind, the more successful you will be at creating it.
How can couples navigate changes in their intimacy as their relationship evolves over time, such as after the birth of a child or as they age?
This is a great question that really needs to include normalizing the fact that relationships change and evolve over time, and even though that transition can be scary or confusing, it's not necessarily a negative thing.
Couples can better navigate these changes and stay resilient if we can identify our emotions and feel safe enough to be vulnerable about them.
It is common that we feel a certain way when a new baby enters the chat and that our partner feels something similar. If we start to blame each other for the hardships we face, we exclude the one person we need to rely on to help us form a new system, which in this case is a new family. Navigating these changes can also be difficult when we don't have a grip on our emotional control. Learning to lean into a partnership to get things done can take over the majority of the daily relationship tasks, which isn't as fun, and may carry with it the necessity of talking to a partner about grieving your old life. It's normal to have a hard time through big life changes. Remembering to be intentional about processing it may require much more work, too.
What are some common roadblocks to discussing intimacy in a relationship, and how can couples therapy in Riverside overcome these obstacles?
Roadblocks that inhibit discussing anything vulnerable can be anything that erodes trust and safety between you and your partner. Many times it is true that as the relationship ages, small (or large) hurts can accumulate and create reasons why we may not be able to share our inner world. Skills that allow undivided attention may not be a part of a couple's routine.
It is very common that the need to problem solve for a partner stands in the way of true communication.
Just as you would expect the auto mechanic to diagnose and understand the problem your car is having before adding new parts to it, we need to take a similar approach to listening and mining for understanding before we can start to solve problems. Partners may bring in old wounds from previous relationships or their family life growing up that affects their ability to be vulnerable enough with you to create intimacy. Couples working with a therapist can help to overcome these obstacles by increasing understanding by thoroughly conceptualizing where these roadblocks are, how they came to be, and best practices to get around them. The most important part is having that objective third party (couples therapist) there to walk you through it in a way that does not send you spiraling into the negative cycle you are used to.
How do you work with couples who may be struggling with low libido or other issues that impact their intimacy, and what solutions or resources do you suggest for improving these challenges?
Physical intimacy and couples sexual issues can be quite frustrating for so many. Working with couples that struggle with low libido can be tough when we think of intimacy from only the physical/sex perspective. There may be so much more happening under the hood that could be creating a discrepancy here that ranges from biological or metabolic disorders all the way to other types of intimacy (emotional, intelectual, spiritual) that may be linked in some way to intimacy, trust and vulnerability. Shifting sexual identities, contempt or resentment from un processed conflict, violence of some kind or power dynamics can all be hiding in there somewhere.
The resources recommended to those couples that deal with sexual issues would be within the realm of Therapists that have training and experience in broader systems is a great place to start. If they are, and also specialize in sex therapy, you're headed in the right direction.
At Inland Empire Couples Counseling we offer the best marriage counseling we can! Our couples therapists are trained in helping couples heal from infidelity, substance use in relationships, childhood trauma, communication skills, as well as providing the LGBTQIA+ community with pride counseling. We have online couples counseling in California. We have couples therapy in Riverside, CA. We also have marriage counseling in Murrieta CA or the Temecula Valley. Please reach out for help by clicking the button below to schedule a free 15 minute consultation with our Intake Coordinator.
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