I’m writing this post because it’s a commonly searched question. I suspect it may be coming from a place of desperation or confusion. Why should we try this? Will it even help us? We’re going to invest our time and money, will it be worth it?Thinking about the couples I’ve worked with over the years, I came up with a quick list of reasons to answer that question: Why try marriage counseling?

In this post I’m going to ask you to question some of your assumptions about men and women. I’ll confess that my ears perk up and I become skeptical whenever I hear someone tell me something like “you know how women are” or “he’s just a typical man.” These often set up unfair double standards and impossible double binds. I'll share a few reasons I think these types of statements are problematic.

People love knowing they are appreciated. Some people may not like hearing the actual words too much, and if your spouse is one of these people, you probably know it already. The point I’m making here is not so much about saying the words as it is about communicating the feeling. Anytime I suggest you say something feel free to substitute in your mind a way you know your spouse likes to receive love and appreciation.

I’ve got some news for you: Not all problems in your marriage can be solved. Some just don’t have solutions. These may come from differences in personality traits, religion, political opinions, cleanliness preferences, and the like. No matter how much you talk about these things or fight about which way is right, neither of you is likely to change or to change your partner.

I’ve got some news for you: Not all problems in your marriage can be solved. Some can be worked through using compromise, and some just don’t have solutions. These may come from differences in personality traits, religion, political opinions, cleanliness preferences, and the like. No matter how much you talk about these things or fight about which way is right, neither of you is likely to change or to change your partner.