How to Recover from Infidelity with Couples Therapy in Murrieta, CA: Phase 1
In my last blog, Did Your Partner Cheat? Couples Therapy in Murrieta, CA Can Help!, I discussed the idea that recovery from infidelity is possible and yet hard to know how to do on your own, I mentioned that BOTH partners have work to do in order to find healing in your relationship - and to be clear again, the work I am about to describe are for those that are wanting to work on the relationship with the end goal of staying together.
In this blog, I plan to discuss with you “Phase 1” of recovering from infidelity where we start at the very beginning of the work that you, the betrayed partner, will need to do.
Phase 1 is called “crisis stabilization” because a betrayal or affair puts you and/or the relationship in a crisis
or a time of intense difficulty or position to have to make a really hard decision. In moments or times of crisis, we are usually struggling with a variety of emotions intensely - this is normal. The hard part is with a variety of intense feelings - it can be hard to maintain good health and stability.
So to give you some understanding about what some of those feelings you may have in this crisis from infidelity, it is important that you know not every person has the same reaction or feelings as it can vary from person to person and may depend on the details of your relationship, the situation of the infidelity, the person(s) involved, etc.
If your relationship has suffered from infidelity, reach out to us for help! Our skilled relationship therapists offer in-person sessions in Riverside, CA and Murrieta, CA as well as online couples counseling to couples and individuals in California.
To give some examples:
If you were under the impression that you were in a happy and fulfilling relationship and/or had absolutely no idea or suspicion that your partner was being unfaithful, you may find yourself feeling extremely shocked, perplexed, or caught off guard (just to name a few).
If you had ideas that the relationship was struggling and/or had suspicions that your partner might be cheating, you may find yourself feeling validated that your suspicions weren’t “crazy” and also sad that this isn’t something you wanted to be “right” about.
Some of the most common feelings people have with infidelity include:
shocked, confused, and/or perplexed
hurt, sad, depressed
angry, appalled, furious
overwhelmed, numb
embarrassed, insecure
betrayed, rejected
What happens next and how does couples therapy in Murrieta, CA help?
As you start to notice your feelings, note that it is normal for you to feel multiple feelings at a time or to move from one to the next.
In this phase, you may feel like you are on a rollercoaster of emotions with no way of knowing which direction (or feeling) you are heading to next.
And no matter what feeling (or feelings) you feel, your feelings are valid and totally normal.
Finally, to help you manage these intense feelings in this phase, you will really need to lean into caring for yourself. You, your emotions, and your relationship have just suffered an injury and you may be in serious pain. And just like managing any physical type of injury, you need to be aware of the pain and the seriousness of the injury to help determine what type of care you need. If the pain (or these emotions) feel manageable enough that you want to try to heal on your own, here are some healthy coping skills to try:
Take some time off from work (if possible). It can be hard to put on a fake smile with your coworkers or even focus on the job when you may be hurting so bad.
Increase time with your hobbies or the things that bring you joy.
For example: work out or play sports, enjoy nature by going for a hike or gardening, make a craft or paint a picture, etc.
Remove some responsibilities from your plate where possible, whether that be at work or with personal responsibilities (it’s okay to say no sometimes!)
Process and sit with your feelings: journal, meditate, talk to a trusted person (just be careful of who you talk to: pick someone who can hear the details of your relationship and not take sides or make your situation worse).
If you notice these coping skills (or the ones you use) do not give enough relief and the pain or these emotions are too high, you may want to consider seeking help from a therapist. If you are interested in seeking help, contact us and we can help you heal.
Next week we dive right into Phase 2 - so stay tuned!
At Inland Empire Couples Counseling we offer the best marriage counseling we can! Our couples therapists are trained in helping couples heal from infidelity, substance use in relationships, childhood trauma, communication skills, as well as providing the LGBTQIA+ community with pride counseling. We have online couples counseling in California. We have couples therapy in Riverside, CA. We also have marriage counseling in Murrieta CA or the Temecula Valley. Please reach out for help by clicking the button below to schedule a free 15 minute consultation with our Intake Coordinator.
Have questions about couples counseling? Visit our FAQs page to find out more.
