Transforming Jealousy in Relationships into Growth with Couples Therapy in Riverside California

Have you ever been in a situation where you’re just absolutely green with jealousy but you don’t know why? What underlying emotions trigger jealousy? How do we understand the root causes so we can overcome this emotion?

Lets see…Jealousy, just writing it right now makes me feel scared and overwhelmed with doubt. So, let's define it and see if it gets simpler, after all, the more we know of something, the less scary it becomes, right?. Can we poke some holes in the idea? Can we challenge it and mess with it until it becomes something we can control rather than something that controls us? Is it surmountable, manageable or even a “piece of cake”?

How Jealousy Impact Relationships

Jealousy is difficult to define, but for simplicity's sake, let's consult the expert (Google). “fiercely protective or vigilant of one's rights or possessions”. Okay, lots to unpack there, how about another. “feeling or showing suspicion of someone's unfaithfulness in a relationship”. Sounds like a lot of dangerous work to me: “vigilant”, “Possession”, “suspicion”. I see a common misconception in the therapy room that feeling jealous is a sign that someone cares deeply, and a lack of jealousy means that the person could take it or leave it without consequence when it comes to the partnership.

Can you imagine being accused of not caring about your partner because you’re secure in the relationship? I challenge this misconception daily because jealousy is routinely used to justify behavior that is damaging to trust, safety and security in partnerships, like criticism, blaming, name calling, manipulation and control, stalking, hacking email/phones, coercion, ect. Hardly the stuff we like about fairy tales. Outside of the drama it produces for reality prime time, what is it for and why do we experience it?

It might help to think about jealousy as a product of multiple, simpler emotions coming together in combination, like a Russian nesting doll of emotions. Often it's fear showing up as a tag team with another emotion, fear of potential loss, fear of feeling inadequate, fear of feeling rejected, fear of feeling lonely, It's not uncommon to process jealousy as all of those things. Some people even boast proudly about being a ”jealous person” as if it's a badge of honor to show just how much they are willing to suffer to be in the relationship. Its also common to assume jealousy is not something we can change or overcome.

Getting a handle on Jealousy with Couples Therapy in Riverside CA

What would it look like to examine jealousy at the root, as a bunch of emotional hang ups? And what would it look like to be able to accept and control the impulses jealousy bring so that suffering or distress is not the ultimate outcome? These are the questions we ask that help people develop into versions of themselves that do less damage to themselves and their partners when building the relationships of our dreams. Access to increasing amounts of empathy, compassion and understanding, safety and trust are all pretty typical things we do as relationship therapists. So if you come away with anything after reading this, know that you have other options and it’s more than normal to bring your concerns about jealousy here to find them.

As relationship therapists, we guide individuals toward developing greater empathy, compassion, and understanding for themselves and their partners. Couples therapy provides a safe space to explore these emotions, fostering an environment where trust can flourish. So, if you find yourself grappling with jealousy, remember that seeking support through couples therapy is not only normal but a proactive step toward building the relationships of your dreams.

Quality marriage counseling in Riverside CA, Temecula CA, and online couples counseling in California

At Inland Empire Couples Counseling we offer the best marriage counseling we can! Our couples therapists are trained in helping couples heal from infidelity, substance use in relationships, childhood trauma, communication skills, as well as providing the LGBTQIA+ community with pride counseling. We have online couples counseling in California. We have couples therapy in Riverside, CA. We also have marriage counseling in Murrieta CA or the Temecula Valley. Please reach out for help by clicking the button below to schedule a free 15 minute consultation with our Intake Coordinator.

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