In Riverside we’re 7 weeks in to school closures and 6 weeks in to the California statewide shelter in place order. How are you doing?

Some days I’m fine and some days I’m definitely NOT fine. There have been moments of fear, depression, wanting to run away, worry, and anger. And there have been moments of joy, gratitude, love, and happiness. I don’t know that there have been any moments that have been completely care free.

Usually when we talk about a traumatic event, we’re talking about a single event, something that happens and is over in a matter of minutes or hours. And we tend to think of a crisis as something that is localized and finite, maybe lasting days or weeks.

Now we’re experiencing a collective, prolonged crisis. We don’t know when it will end. We can’t just push through a few hard days and then recuperate and return to normal. So how are we getting through it?

As we’ve all cycled through some ups and downs in the last several weeks, I’ve been paying attention to how we’re coping and what’s working for people.

Warning: DO NOT attempt to do all these things all the time. Try them out. Do what works for you. Do enough of them to get yourself feeling reasonably calm and able to cope with your life.

Practice Self Compassion

Adjust your expectations. We’re all going through something we’ve never experienced before. Don’t expect yourself to be your most productive during a global pandemic. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself time to feel all the mixed up feelings. When in crisis or trauma, some people shut down, others deny it’s happening, others stay busy as a way to manage (or sometimes avoid) all the feelings. If you need rest, let yourself rest. If you need fun friend time with no COVID talk allowed, make that happen.

Don’t Make Comparisons

Everyone is dealing with this in their own way. You don’t do yourself any good by feeling bad that you aren’t accomplishing as much as someone else, that you haven’t made a viral video or completed an ambitious home improvement project.

Don’t compare your grief or losses either. Sometimes we cut off our own grief when we know someone else has it worse. The loss of the vacation or graduation or concert you had planned is still a loss even when someone else lost their business and another person lost a family member. There’s no competition or comparison in grief. Your loss matters because it matters to you, and you matter.

Practice Gratitude

It sounds trite and simplistic, I know. But it works. Express gratitude for what you have now. I’ve found a lot of peace in expressing gratitude for good things in the past as well as the present.

Example: I’m so grateful I met with a financial planner last year; this is tough and scary but it would be worse if I hadn’t done that.

Example: I’m grateful my mom visited in early March. It seemed like a frivolous trip at the time because we were planning to see her just a few weeks later, but that second visit had to be cancelled.

Practice Self-Care

Nope, this is not a trip to the spa or a bubble bath. It is literally taking care of yourself like you would care for a child or a sick person. Eat. Sleep. Drink water. Brush your teeth. Shower. Take your medications when you’re supposed to. Get a little exercise. Have some down time. Make time for friends. Take care of yourself!

Really, this whole list is a self-care list.

Take Breaks

Working from home can easily become working all the time. Let yourself clock out. See our tips on creating transitions here.

Give yourself permission to not read the news or check social media for a few days (or even a few hours). Notice how you feel. And then be thoughtful about when and how much you engage with the media.

Take a break from parenting and let Netflix babysit them. You need a little down time so that you can be a good parent to them. And lot of parents aren’t getting that right now.

Take a break from your house and get outside.

Take a break from your work and go home.

Our brains and bodies need rest to be healthy.

Move Your Body

When we face stress, our bodies have a physiological response: we get primed for action.

It doesn’t matter whether the situation requires

a physical response (lifting something, running away, fighting),
a mental response (having a hard conversation, writing an email, tackling a work project that requires mental focus but also lots of sitting in a chair), or
no response (the news, a friend’s political views, staying at home),

our bodies respond the same: they are primed for action. When we move our bodies through some type of exercise, we are allowing the body to complete the natural stress response cycle and return to normal and calm. (Check out the book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle for more detailed info about this concept.)

Try it out: walk, dance, yoga, cycle, swim, and see if you feel better. Your body is releasing stress as you do. And with the prolonged stress we are all facing, movement is our ally.

Do Something

Yup. Just get up and do something. Accomplish something. You’ll feel better. But remember, no comparisons. Your do something might be something beautiful that you share on Instagram, or it might be a letter you write, finally cleaning behind the fridge, cooking something, clearing out your inbox, or filling out a complicated application for government aid. Doesn’t matter. When you’re in a funk, do something.

Stay Flexible and Playful

You’re going to get through this so much easier if you can be flexible, adaptable, and playful. We’ve been through several different phases already, and we’re going to go through many more. What works now might not work when the state starts opening up in phases. We will be flexible and learn to adapt to each phase as it comes.

Compare these two approaches:

These ideas seem good, but it’s all too much. How much time is it going to take to figure out what works for me? I just want this to be over now. I want to go back to how things were.
Wow! There are some good ideas here. I’m going to play around with them and see what works for me. It might be kind of fun to try some new things. It’s okay if it takes a while, I’ll have fun in the process. I wish this weren’t happening, but it is, and maybe I can learn some new things since I’m here anyway.

How do you feel reading them? Did you notice the playfulness, self-compassion, and flexibility in the second? It feels better reading it. And while using the skills from this list won’t make the coronavirus go away, they will help you stay sane and survive this prolonged crisis.

Reach out for help when you need it

If you’ve experienced traumatic events in the past, you’re more likely to be traumatized by current events. If you have pre-existing relationship problems, the stress of current conditions are likely making those problems a lot worse. Getting professional help when you need it is an important part of taking care of yourself and staying level-headed during a crisis.

We have trained couples counselors with immediate openings for online appointments. And we have limited availability for trauma-focused individual sessions. We can support you in creating a personalized plan for keeping you surviving and for helping your relationship thrive.

How to stay sane in a prolonged crisis