‘I Suspect My Partner Is Cheating. What Do I Do?’ Exploring Solutions with Couples Therapy in California

Have you ever found yourself grappling with suspicions that your partner might be cheating? It’s a distressing scenario that many individuals unfortunately face at some point in their relationships. Recently, Rebecca Williams, LMFT had the opportunity to share her insights on this very topic in a guest blog for Bored Panda. The questions posed by the magazine prompted her to reflect on the complexities of infidelity and the delicate balance of trust within relationships.

So, if you've ever pondered, "I suspect my partner is cheating. What do I do?" – let's dive in and unravel some potential answers.

How common is cheating in relationships?

It's hard to say definitively how common cheating is because it's something many people don't talk about or don't admit to. And not all couples or individuals have the same definition for what counts as cheating. We've seen survey results that report that 15-20% of people surveyed admitted to cheating. What I do know is that it IS possible for relationships to heal from cheating. You might be surprised to find out that there are people you know how have experienced infidelity in their relationships and recovered from it. When a couple heals from infidelity and stays together, it's not usually something they joke about over dinner with friends. So if you're in a place where your partner has cheated and you're wondering if you're crazy to want to stay, you're not. Lots of couples are able to recover successfully.

Do you think cheaters usually get caught?

Or is it possible for them to get away with it?

Cheaters don't always get caught. Sometimes things happen that a partner never knows about. Just because a partner doesn't know about an incident of cheating that happened doesn't mean that there are no consequences. I do believe that cheating always has consequences. The consequences might be distance or disconnection in the relationship, lack of intimacy or even the ending of the relationship.

What would your advice be for someone who suspects that their partner may be cheating?

Should they simply bring it up, or try to find out more information first?

If you suspect your partner is cheating and you want to end the relationship anyway, seriously consider ending the relationship. I trust that you'll consider all the consequences of the breakup, but take care of yourself, prioritize your own wellbeing, and kindly walk away. If you know you don't want to be in the relationship AND you suspect cheating, going down the road to try to find evidence of it will only cause you a lot of pain and wasted energy.

On the other hand, if you suspect cheating and you want to keep the relationship, talk to your partner. Have some open conversations about what's working and not working in the relationship. You might be right about the cheating, or your brain might suspect cheating as the reason for some other problems in the relationship, which may or may not be true. Identify where there is disconnection, unhappiness, or distance and make a plan to close those gaps. Get the help of a trained couples therapist if this is something you think you can't do on your own.

Sometimes we suspect cheating and we are totally right. And other times, because of our own past histories or insecurities, we suspect cheating and we're wrong. If you find that you're always suspicious of a partner cheating even without any evidence, your brain is likely trying to protect you from experiencing the pain of cheating again. Your brain has become vigilant, always looking for signs of cheating even when they aren't there. If this sounds like you, there's hope. Find an experienced trauma therapist (someone who uses somatic therapies, EMDR, or Brainspotting) and they can help you heal. We don't want to see the pain of the past harm your current relationships too.

Quality marriage counseling in Riverside CA, Temecula CA, and online couples counseling in California

At Inland Empire Couples Counseling we offer the best marriage counseling we can! Our couples therapists are trained in helping couples heal from infidelity, substance use in relationships, childhood trauma, communication skills, as well as providing the LGBTQIA+ community with pride counseling. We have online couples counseling in California. We have couples therapy in Riverside, CA. We also have marriage counseling in Murrieta CA or the Temecula Valley. Please reach out for help by clicking the button below to schedule a free 15 minute consultation with our Intake Coordinator.

Have questions about couples counseling? Visit our FAQs page to find out more.