Understanding Love and Respect: The Essential Role of Safety in Relationships in Temecula, CA

When we think of relationships and the things we need from our partners, most of us will say that love and respect are at the top of the list. And I would agree! The thing about this is, what does love and respect practically look like in a partnership or marriage?

In this blog series, I am going to attempt to answer this question about tangible ways to love and respect our partners by introducing to you the idea of safety. 

Safety? Yes, safety! Let me explain…

The Different Types of Safety — Marriage Counseling Temecula Ca

When I say safety, I am talking about much more than just physical safety. Of course physical safety is included in this idea of “safety”, as physical violence towards each other only hurts us, makes us afraid of our partners, and disconnects us from each other more. However, this larger idea of safety that I am talking about is an overall feeling of being protected from danger or harm with our needs. Physical safety is one of our needs but we as humans need more than that. 

So now you might be asking, what other needs for protection from danger or harm do we have besides physical safety? 

To answer your question: we have a lot of needs for safety! To name a few (and the ones I will be covering in this blog series), we need.. 

- emotional safety

- mental safety 

- sexual safety 

- financial safety

…and MORE!  

‘Partner Safety’ vs ‘Self Safety’ — Couples Therapy in Murrieta Ca

In addition to different types of safety we need in relationships, I also find that it is important to note that safety in relationships is found not only by having a partner that makes us feel safe but also by being able to provide ourselves with our own sense of care or protection. In this blog series I will refer to these two ideas as “partner safety” versus “self safety”. 

What is “Partner-Safety”? Couples Counseling Riverside Ca

“Partner Safety” is the idea that my partner loves and respects me physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, etc.

Some examples of “Partner Safety”:

• My partner does not intentionally harm me

• My partner can communicate their feelings and needs without verbal or physical aggression (i.e. scream, yell, name call, hit, kick, push, etc.)

• My partner can take healthy timeouts if conflict gets heated and come back to our problems when cooled off (i.e. no silent treatments or sweeping things under the rug)

• My partner honors and respects boundaries I set

What is “Self-Safety”? Online Couples Counseling in California

“Self Safety” is the idea that I love and respect myself physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, etc. 

Some examples of “Self Safety”:

• I can say “no” to the things that aren’t good for me or that I do not want

• I can identify and express my needs in healthy ways 

• I can soothe myself when I am feeling upset

• I can ask for help when I need it

• I can set and enforce my boundaries

In my next blog, I continue this discussion of safety in relationships by zooming in on emotional safety and ways we can have Partner-Safety and Self-Safety with our emotional needs.

If you and/or your partner are struggling to feel safe in yourself or in your relationship, reach out to us - we’d love to help! We offer free 15-minute consultations if you want to know more information or to get started with couples therapy.

Quality marriage counseling in Riverside CA, Temecula CA, and online couples counseling in California

At Inland Empire Couples Counseling we offer the best marriage counseling we can! Our couples therapists are trained in helping couples heal from infidelity, substance use in relationships, childhood trauma, communication skills, as well as providing the LGBTQIA+ community with pride counseling. We have online couples counseling in California. We have couples therapy in Riverside, CA. We also have marriage counseling in Murrieta CA or the Temecula Valley. Please reach out for help by clicking the button below to schedule a free 15 minute consultation with our Intake Coordinator.

Have questions about couples counseling? Visit our FAQs page to find out more.